Sundays are definitely depressing.

I would like to think I write well.

Like to.

Think.

Yeah, right!

Amen.

Murder should be legalised.

Wtf? So, I have a short temper. So, I don’t like being around people that much. So, what’s your fuck up?

Whiny people at work piss me off. Big time.

Being at work these days is like being in some sort of a Mario game where you keep going in one direction and reach the end of the stage. On the way, you get these creepy creatures that you either have to kill or avoid. The more you avoid them, the less your chances are of your survival.

Fuck Mario. Fuck work.

I wish I could just kill ‘em… Kill ‘em all.

—-

Cops suck. I don’t think I can emphasise that fact more.

I wish I could just kill ‘em… Kill ‘em all.

—-

People who have fallen in love with the Tamil movie “Anniyan” need to be shot thrice in their heads and twice in their asses. I get the feeling everyone has fallen in love with that goofy fuck Vikram, who plays a schizophrenic in the movie. I have not watched the movie, but since everyone likes it, it must suck elephant ass.

I wish I could just kill ‘em… Kill ‘em all.

—-

Anti-Plastic people suck. They just do for precisely what they stand for, just like feminists.

The anti-plastic fuckers’ aim is to rid the world of plastic and other ‘non-bio-degradable’ stuff because it is a threat to the environment and (therefore) ‘Mother Earth’. Who the fuck said plastic’s a threat to the environment? It’s a threat to the human habitat, maybe, but the environment? Come on… You’re supposed to be intelligent and stuff, aren’t you…

Quit bullshitting yourself. You are -not- a threat to ‘Mother Earth’. You are a threat to -you-. That’s basically it. Some day we’ll be extinct. We’ll be long gone and ‘Mother Earth’ will still be there. I can guaran-damn-tee you that, assholes.

And quit calling it Mother Earth. Specially when you don’t know who the fuck the father is. So what are we? Bastards?

And feminists. Don’t get me started on them. They’re another bunch of chauvinistic morons who take themselves too seriously and they hate men, just because they seem to have found this new idea that the ‘ideal woman’ has to be one who hates men.

And most of them are these narcissistic females wearing those (predominantly brown) cotton kurtas, with their short hair and their imitation of every aspect of men.

Ask them if they gave a shit about women who get beaten up almost everyday because of low dowry payments. Ask them if they give a shit about girls who don’t get to study because they’re ‘girls’. Ask them if they give a shit about girls who get married off even before they turn 18. Ask them if they give a shit about the girls who’re sold off to pimps.

I think I know the answer. It’s…. NO.

All they want is freedom for -themselves-. Selfishness as a quality doesn’t belong just to men, you see.

I’m not a spokesperson for the men. I’m sure women were/are being treated shabbily (probably an understatement). And I’m sure most men have stone age sensibilities. But to think, for even a moment, that by dissing the other sex, you’re going to be superior, is probably a bit too stupid.

I do not subscribe to any philosophy that puts itself above everything else. Subscribing to something like that just indicates your desperation to be recognised as something that you actually are not.

—-

This post has turned out into something else. Heh. I’ll stop my rant now. I think I’ll get myself a gun. You know, just in case murder actually becomes legal, the gun shops might get a wee bit crowded.

Amen.

Alright mayte!

Australian trainers at work. Nobody in the batch but me understood the accent. Watching ‘Crocodile Hunter’ on TV is finally paying off.

—

Quote me sometime: “I had this strange feeling the whole day till I scratched it off my ass.”

Amen.

It’s been a while…

Since I read a book.

Since I wrote a poem.

Since I had alcohol.

Since I slept.

Since I kissed.

Since I did anything ‘fun’.

Since I met her.

Since I held her hand.

Since I day-dreamed.

Since I, well, lived.

Amen.

Best compliment… Ever!

Her: hey
Her: do you have any new pic to give to me?
Me: Nope…
Me: Nothing that I’ve uploaded.
Me: I look like an idiot anyway
Her: that’s precisely what i like about you
Me: hahaha
Her: the idiot look on your face
Me: I’ll take that as a compliment?

Realistic. But sweet. Heh.

Amen.

Cola Brands’ Underwear Venture….. Awry Might I Add….

Pepsi – “Oye Bubbly” or “Yeh Pyas Hai Badi” or “Yeh Dil Mange More”

Thums Up – “Taste the Thunder”

7UP – “Keep it Cool”

Sprite – “Clear Hai” or “All Taste no Gyan”

Mango Frooti – “Fresh n Juicy”

Mirinda Lemon – “Zor ka Jhatka, Dheere se Lage”

Limca – “Lime and Lemony Limca”

——-

Aside: I actually saw some road-side vendor in Mysore selling ‘Pepsi’ underwear. A few paces ahead I also saw Suzuki briefs.

I cannot wait for the launch of Microsoft boxer shorts.

Amen.

Tension Avadhe Pa.

The title, which is a popularly used phrase by Tamil-speakers today, crudely translates to “Don’t become tension, dude.”

Usage: When someone’s getting pissed off for some or no reason, you pacify him/her by saying “Tension Avadhe”.

This is one of the stupidest fusions of Tamil and English.

Another irritating thing about (predominantly) South Indian English. This habit of adding the ‘aa’ (as in ‘arse’) and ‘oo’ (as in ’shoot’) sounds after every fucking sentence.

Jackass Numer One: You got the passportaa?

Jackass Number Two: Yes, I got the passportoo.

Me: Fuckaa Youoo!!

And fake accents! Don’t get me started on that topic. My roommate for example cannot form a proper English sentence. And this dude at work claims he used to live in the Netherlands for a few years. And ‘our man’ starts his accent… rolling the ‘r’s and what not.

Stupid dumbfucks.

I think I know why people fake accents. It’s because they’re self-conscious. They have this preset belief that people from the west speak better English than they do. I disagree. The reason why we have two major types of English (US English and UK English) is because the Americans couldn’t spell or form sentences for nuts and they had the audacity (it’s probably a strong word, but I’ll use it anyway) to say that they’re right and stick to it.

And as they say, might is right.

So, stick to your own roots, my one-billion-plus-strong “comrades”. Who knows, in a few years from now, we’d actually have Americans and Englishmen speak the way we do. Maybe ‘oo’s and the ‘aa’s might be the norm.

Heh, I think I managed to make the previous sentence sound so corny…

Amen.

Oh PS: August 8th. Remember to wish me Bon Voyage!

Net at work.

Only hitch. You need rear-view mirrors while you’re browsing.

Now there’s a thought.

Amen.

We yaar like this vonly ya!

A successful end to the third week in Bangalore. Was part of a ‘group presentation’, the topic being “margin setup”. I don’t know what the whole deal was…. A margin is… like a line, right? Don’t know what the whole fuss is all about.

Most people believe that the traffic in Bangalore sucks. I disagree. It is actually so much fun cutting lanes and going between huge lorries and cutting more lanes. Dangerous fun. As George Carlin once said, “Take a fuckin’ chance, you goddamn pussies!”

Actually he said that twice. You know, just to reiterate his stand.

I stay very close to this “mall” called Big Bazaar. I’m sure many of you are aware of the promos with that aging fuck Roshan Abbas (did anyone actually watch Mastercard Fuckin’ Fortunes?) saying that everything’s cheap in the “Big Bazaar”. Well, it’s cheap. But then, the crowds….

Whiny kids, crying on the top of their shrieky lungs and their parents either trying to pacify them or threaten them with dire consequences. Definitely not that fun a place.

And don’t get me started on the sales reps there. They insist on talking to me in (bad) English in spite of me speaking in Kannada. Irritating shit.

—–

KBC is back. Double the prize money. Double the fun? Yeah, right.

The only reason I liked KBC was because of my parents who wouldn’t let me watch anything else. Now that I’m alone and “in-charge”, I’m not going to get sucked into this hyped shit that sells dreams like nobody’s business. I’d much rather watch an X-rated version of KBC.

I wonder how the “Fastest Finger First” would be like… Hmmmmm…..

Another thing I’m beginning to get sick and tired of. These commercials that tell me the ill-effects of smoking. Do people actually think these ads are going to be taken seriously by smokers. Every smoker knows what smoking does to him/her/it. If it’s not the parents, it’s the friends or in my case even the guy selling the cigarettes would definitely have gone through their sermons on the “ill-effects” of smoking. So, what difference does it make if some celebrity, who doesn’t give a shit about others as long as he’s getting paid for the ad, is tellig you to quit smoking.

Yes, the “Smoking causes Impotency” did cause some concern amongst some people. As for me, I need to have a sex life to be concerned about impotency. So, basically, I still don’t give a shit.

——

Some pissed of motorist tried asking me to make way for him so that he’d go ahead of me during an hour long traffic jam. He actually thought I would make way for him. I stood ground and he looked hurt.

He said, “You Bangalore people are all like this.”

Where are you from? Moscow?

I nodded, smiled and told him, “We yaar like this vonly ya!”

Amen.

Why no long posts, ya?

I’ve tried and failed.

Tried to spontaneous in my thoughts, words and actions.

Tried to be honest.

Failed. Miserably.

Long posts, yes. Let’s see why I don’t spend enough time spewing expletive after expletive and artificially increasing the word count in my blogs.

I think I just explained why.

Amen.