The Date.

He woke up to the sound of his phone. It was the alarm. He expected nothing else.

“Shit, I’m late!”

He rushed to the bathroom, as he tried hard to get his bearings right. Left turn to the bathroom and the right to the kitchen. It was a tough call he had to make everyday. With the groggy feeling lingering on like a flea to a dog, it was one very crucial choice. For he found no coffee in the bathroom and no toothpaste in the kitchen.

Left!

A song played in his head, and as he tried to remember the words, he made his way into the bathroom. He hated the gel toothpaste, it made his mouth burn. But he had to make do. Anything to get the current taste off his mouth. He turned the geyser on and a few minutes later, the shower.

Once out of the bathroom, he felt slightly elated. Not just because he felt clean for the first time in the past three days, but also because he was looking forward to the evening. He was going to meet her.

He had everything prepared. His best clothes, his best shoes and even his best underwear (which he washed at least a thousand times). He didn’t want to screw up!

And cash. Yeah, everyone needs cash to do anything, don’t they?

—

They were to meet at a coffee house. He thought it was typical of her to be meeting at a place where coffee was served. She always hung out there. He, on the other hand, didn’t think much of these over-priced coffee places. He preferred the roadside vendors who would make his coffee extra strong, the way he liked it.

He didn’t mind it though. He was meeting her.

—

She was ten minutes late.

“Sorry, traffic”, she said with a sheepish grin.

He lit a cigarette, not saying a word.

He wasn’t angry, just relieved. She didn’t ditch him.

“Coffee?”, he asked finally.

“Cappuccino for me.”

He placed the order – two cappuccinos.

“Nice shoes”, she said.

“Thanks!” She noticed the shoes.

She did all the talking. He just liked listening to her. And everytime she laughed, he wished she had a rewind button so that he could watch her laugh again and again.

The coffee arrived. He could see a sense of urgency in her now. She gulped the coffee down in a matter of minutes. He wasn’t even done with half his cup, when she said, “Did you get the money?”

“Sure, I did.”

“Well…?”

“Oh, yes..” He took his wallet out and gave her two thousand rupees.

“Thank you so much.”

“No problems.”

“This weekend is going to be so cool, the two of us are going to Ooty. Him and me. Alone. Nice, eh?”

“Uh, oh yeah, sounds great.”

“Anyways, I’ll be off. Got to go pack.”

“Okay, have fun.”

And with that she left. He finished his coffee, paid and started walking towards his bike, humming “.. I walk alone, I walk alone…“

He looked down and smiled.

She noticed the shoes.

Amen.

Rant – The Infiniteth One!

There comes a time in one’s life when he/she/it is totally frustrated with his/her/its life and everything around him/her/it.

Since this his/her/it thing is taking me too long to vent my frustrations, I’m going to stick to my story instead of generalising things like I do most of the time.

FYI, I know! I should quit generalising things, but heck, like I care.

Disclaimer: I’ve tried to cut down on the swearing, but if I do swear in the following lines, please attribute it to my very limited vocabulary.

—

Question 1: Why am I pissed?

Answer: Because I spent the entire weekend at home, with my roomies.

Question 2: Why did I spend the entire weekend at home?

Answer: Stupid fever and the running nose. Doesn’t really make me an outdoorsy person now, does it?

Question 3: What’s wrong with my roomies?

Answer: A lot of things, actually. A lack of basic understanding of how I function is probably one of them.

The one thing that pissed me off big time was the list that one of them made. I know, it was probably made with “humour” (again, something neither of them is capable of).

So, here’s the list. It’s a list of things, that “make the house dirty”.

The house is dirty when:

• Any type of plastic is on the floor (Except Wheels and Stool)
• Any sort of paper is on the floor
• Anybody’s hair is anywhere other than the body
• Anyone’s clothes are unfolded / not hanging
• Any vessel is in the sink
• Any empty glass / mug is outside the kitchen
• An empty / almost-empty polythene bag is lying anywhere in the house
• Any amount of dirt / dust is felt under your feet
• Any amount of food is stale / left over
• Any empty / almost-empty wrapper / sachet / paper box is lying anywhere in the house
• Any place in the house stinks
• Any floor in the house is slippery
• Anyone’s shoes / slippers / sandals are outside the shoe rack
• A newspaper is not folded after reading
• A cockroach / fly / mosquito / any other ugly insect is discovered
• A dark spot on a white / off-white object is discovered
• Anything other than glue and celotape is sticky

My roommate made it a point to show me the list and said he was going to get the list printed and put it up somewhere.

Hey, I got a place where you have put the list. How about up your ass? Nice going, Einstein.

Apart from the bad English, the list totally ignores the fact that:

a) I’m not the only one making the mess.

b) My mess is negligible compared to the shit they do. I can back it up with examples. That’s coming in a completely different post.

c) You are responsible for the mess you make! That’s the first basic rule in room/house sharing. Deal with it.

d) WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF MAKING THIS LIST ANYWAY? Are you trying to tell me that you didn’t know that the house was dirty till you actually sat down and made this list?

Let me see… You made the list, you turned around and said, “Oh my God, the house is dirty!” Is that what happened?

Anyways, now that you’ve made a list of things that make the house ‘dirty’, I will give you tips on how to keep the house clean.

a) As said before, you’re responsible for the mess you make. Not someone else. Especially not someone who’s at home during the day. Just remember that I have a job as well and just because it’s a BPO, don’t be under the impression that I have it easy.

b) If sometimes, you feel that the house is getting extremely messy, don’t complain. Do something about it. Remember, you’re the one who wants the house to be clean, not me. So, don’t mope around and tell me what I should do. Do what you want to do – leave me out of it. If I want to help you, I will.

c) Practice what you preach. I know it’s difficult with all of us being utter slobs, but really, if you want to put in place a system which you think might make the house clean, then follow it, please. Lead by example, not by wish-lists. Asshole!

d) Don’t act like my grandmother criticising and analysing everything I do. She died of breast cancer, you might too.

Question 4: How am I feeling now?

Answer: Much better….

—

Okay, now for some stuff I’m looking forward to….

A new Royal Enfield Thunderbird.

Ah, I feel so much better now…

Amen.

Random nonsense

Stand for nothing,
Fall for all,
Believe in nothing,
Trust all.

Amen.

When I walk, why does that stupid Green Day song keep playing in my head?

I KNOW I’M WALKING ALONE!

Daym!

This sucks, but who cares!

I don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is that.. I’m doing what I’m doing.

But if I knew what I was doing, would I be doing it any different?

And if I were doing it differently, then how different would it have been?

Life works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?

Amen.

PS: There’s too much doing, but it’s doing no harm!