Indian Idiots – III (Indian? Racist!)

You can also read:

Indian Idiots – I (patriotism guaranteed, conditions apply)
Indian Idiots – II (People and Eating Outlets – Bad Combo)

Or…. You can just go ahead and read on!

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Pseudo people – they piss you off, don’t they? Pseudo-secularists, pseudo-politicians, pseudo-evangelists, pseudo-friends, pseudo-feminists – the list goes on and on, the length and breadth of human hypocrisy, endless.

What irritated me most about the recent events in Australia, involving the Indian and Australian cricket teams, is precisely this hypocrisy – this presumption that we, Indians, are an angelic set of people, who have been oppressed for eons and that that is the only thing that separates ‘us from them’.

First, the whole ‘us’ concept is the very start of segregation. Racial, national, or international, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is, when you say ‘us’, you’re automatically saying there’s a ‘them’ and that they’re ‘different’.

Second, aren’t Indians racist too? Okay, agreed that we faced all that discrimination from the firangs and all that, but even when we were being discriminated against, didn’t we come up with the caste system? Didn’t my ancestors say that they’d become impure if they came in contact with a shudra’s shadow? Didn’t they monopolize learning, power and all the opportunities? Okay, this was in the past. So, it really shouldn’t matter now. Let’s talk about what’s happening now. A few examples here and there and I’ll prove that you and I – and most Indians – are, in fact, racist bigots.

• When you laugh at a Sardar joke, you’re a racist.
• When you imitate a Mallu accent, you’re a racist.
• When you call all South Indians “Madrasi”, you’re a racist.
• Here’s a riddle – Why won’t you find a Raymond showroom in Pakistan? – Because there aren’t any complete men there. Funny? You’re a racist.
• When you call Telugu people “Goltis”, you’re a racist.
• When you call Malayalees “Mallus”, you’re a racist.
• When you call Tamilians “Katpadi” and/or “Kongas”, you’re a racist.
• When you call anyone from North East India / East Asia “Chinkis”, you’re a racist.
• When you call Bengalis “Bongs”, you’re a racist.
• When you’re looking for a fair bride/groom in your matrimonial, you’re a racist

(list incomplete)

We are racists. So, don’t go around acting hurt when someone calls you one, you hypocrites. And just because you got caught being one, don’t make a big fuss. Apologise and get it over with.

Oh and a happy new year to you!

Amen.