Ambani was grounded, but swine flu!

Senior leaders of the Congress, BJP, BSP, SP, LJD, JD (U), JD(S), CPI, CPM and other parties with serious dyslexia have decided to join hands and protest against the latest outbreak of swine flu in various parts of the world.

Speaking exclusively to all the exclusive news channels, including reporters from Sony (who have kept everyone guessing with their new avatar to be unveiled on May 25th), the political honchos echoed (thanks partly to the bad acoustics in the conference room, and largely due to twenty five people talking a different dialect of the Queen’s English at the same time) their sentiments on the developments and what they planned to do to curb its progress.

While Mulayam Singh promised to ban the use of computers to monitor the flu cases, he also proposed the use of ayurvedic medicines (labeled in Hindi, of course) to wipe out any traces of the flu. He launched a tirade against the western culture, although he refused to deny that it might not have anything to do with the current pandemic.

Amar Singh immediately said Mulayam Singh was being quoted out of context.

While praising the world leaders for their swift action in their quest to control the flu, Sonia Gandhi expressed concern over the pandemic reaching her hometown in Italy and announced that a committee headed by Quottrochi would be set up to raise flags as and when new cases were found. She also added that Mr. Quottrochi was the best man for the job since he was adept at handling flags and that Interpol would assist him in this matter.

She also criticized the PM hopeful LK Advani, but she refused to mention why.

Narendra Modi called this (the pandemic) another example of the degrading values and morals of the world and accused our western neighbours of trying to divert western attention from its actual problems, namely its inability to control the Taliban. He assured that the swine flu would not affect Gujarat since he has decided to play the development card.

Varun Gandhi promised to chop off the swine flu’s hands and was immediately arrested and booked under the National Swine Act (NSA).

Mamata Bannerjee said she will hold a massive rasta roko and assured that she will not allow the capitalistic swine flu into Bengali soil.

Deve Gowda assured that he would disclose his plans during his post siesta press conference and went back to sleep.

MNS leader Raj Thackrey said, “We’ll send this swine back to Bihar!” This led to riots in parts of Mumbai where MNS activists attempted to forcibly load pigs into the Patna-Kurla Express.

Jayalalitha said the creation of a separate state of Elam was the only solution for the mess and Karunanidhi offered to go on a hunger strike for more than six hours this time.

And all this while leaders from the Indian Muslim League were laughing and giggling amongst themselves. They held a banner that read “Deuteronomy 14:8 told you so!”

Amen.